1) You and your man have discussed buying a kitten
Or any pet for that matter. You obviously are portraying the mother instinct of having the urge to look after, feed, nurture and have some responsibility and you are obviously prepared to part with some cash for pet food/vet bills. Could this longing for a pet actually hiding your need to become a mummy? Is this secretly a test for your other half to see how he deals with it? If you find yourself talking about your pet incessantly, dressing it up, canceling nights out or rushing home to give your pet a cuddle, needless to say, its time for you to get a baby.

2) You prefer a night in to a night out?
Yes, it happens! Even to the best of us. The thought of relaxing on your sofa with a pizza and watching some TV is far more appealing then dressing up and going out to paint the town red. This lifestyle shows you are ready for a baby!

3) You dream of babies
If you have dreams of yourself cradling a baby in your arms or a toddler clutching on to your finger, it’s needless to say that you’re ready for a baby. This is indicative of your sub-conscious minds yearning for a baby.

4)You stop and admire other people’s babies
If you find other peoples whiny, snotty babes cute then you are most definitely ready for one. If you talk naturally to children and volunteer for babysitting your friend’s children, it’s time for you to embrace the fact that you need to get your own!

5) Your spare room looks empty and sad
Isn’t it time you started shopping for train wallpapers or for a Shrek bedsheets. Does the spare room deserve more than just being a store room for the useless junk in the house?

6) You’ve already chosen your babies’ names
And you’ve told all your friends so they don’t copy your favourite names.

7) You’ve been around the world and had exotic holidays
Once the baby comes into your lives, you’ll be trading in those long haul flights for family holidays. Hence, if you’ve been places, you’re less likely to resent the fact that having kids means you’ll have to cap the luxury.

You’ve already cut down on alcohol/caffeine/smoking
Since these are things you have to eventually cut down on or give up altogether, it can only be helpful if you have already reduced consumption. If you think cutting down or giving them up, talk to your GP who can give you the right advice about cutting down or stopping.

9) You’ve both ‘talked’ about having babies
If you’ve had the “talk” and it didn’t end up in him admitting that he never wants babies and you in tears, but felt more like a discussion then you are probably ready. Making the decision to try is going to be scary and nerve-racking – but the god news, once you do become pregnant, you’ve got 9 whole months to get ready and prepared for the stork to come drop off the baby.

10) You’ve sneaked into a baby shop and ‘pretended’ you’re buying a present for someone…
But really you’re imagining what it feels like shopping for your little one. Wondering what it would be like dressing up your baby, or playing with those toys with him, or putting those pretty socks on her…yes, you’ve got it bad.

If you find yourself nodding to at least 5 of the answers above, it’s pretty certain that you are ready for a baby…and we at TheAsianParent would like to see you officially join the community. Good luck, mums-and-dads-to-be!

How often should I be having sex?
Sperm is able to survive in the female reproductive tract between 2 to 5 days, so your best bet is to have sex about three times a week.

If you really can’t make time to have regular enjoyable sex, try to have sex every alternate day during the most fertile week of your menstrual cycle. You can choose to use an ovulation detector to aid you in finding out your most fertile period.

However, if you and your spouse are up for more action, do take note not to have sex every day. The sperm supply requires sufficient time to increase, which in turn increases your chances of conception!

Does having an orgasm help me get pregnant?
While having an orgasm does not guarantee conception, it certainly increases your chances. When the female orgasm happens with or after the male orgasm, the vaginal spasms help draw the sperm upwards through the cervix and into the uterus to meet the egg. Thereafter, we cross our fingers and hope fertilization occurs.

On a different note, getting orgasms while trying to make a baby definitely makes the process a lot more enjoyable!

Which position should we have sex in?
The good old missionary is the optimal position to adopt as it allows semen to flow towards the cervix instead of away. You can also tap into Mother Nature’s power of gravity to help the sperm travel more effectively if you tilt your hips slightly upwards immediately after sex.

Should I try to stop the sperm from leaking out after sex?
Definitely. If you were to move around immediately after sex – or worse, go wash yourself squeaky clean down there – most of the semen would probably flow out and thus decreasing the possibility of pregnancy. But of course, we don’t have to go to extremities of turning yourself upside down to ensure all the sperm stays inside.

Will contraceptive pills affect my fertility?
If you’ve had regular periods before starting on birth control pills, you have nothing to worry about at all. The contraceptive effect is completely reversible and your normal cycle should resume within six months from the time you stop.

Is there a body type that’s best for conceiving?
We’ve all heard old wives’ tales about how women with wider hips are more fertile, but in reality, your body shape bears no effect to your ability in becoming a mother. Some curvy women could have fertility issues, while some slender thin-hipped get pregnant easily. There is no such thing as a “fertile” body type.

When am I most fertile?
In terms of fertility, women are at their best between 20-24. However, the trend of having children at a later age is out there in today’s world. Since the mid 1970s there has been a four-fold increase in the percent of first births to women 30 years and older. Therefore, it’s important to know that by the age of 35, fertility is already spiralling downwards. Of course you can try for a kid at that age but complications may arise such as, miscarriages and diabetes in the mother and Down syndrome and autism in the child.

Besides using a calendar to chart your fertile period, be sure to check out your cervical mucus. The cervix produces mucus that protects the body from sperm, bacteria and other organisms. Several days each month, the stability of the mucus changes to allow sperm to enter the fallopian tubes. You can determine your fertile period by observing these changes. Do your checks before you shower, bathe, or swim as these activities can all affect the quantity and quality of your cervical mucus.

Is there a link between fertility and a nutritional diet?
Definitely.

Have a diet that balances out the calories, carbohydrates, protein and fibres. Eat wholemeal carbs instead of whit carbs such as rice, bread and pasta because they have 15 different nutrients removed. A daily portion of omega-3 fats is also recommended and avoid excess saturated fat. Water is the most important fertility food to consume. Your baby is your seed. Therefore, water is important to help your baby to grow. It also helps maintain a normal pregnancy.

Bulk up on folic acid as it is crucial in the formation of blood cells and in the development of the baby’s nervous system. Part of vitamin B, folic acid can be found leafy vegetables, liver and certain cereals. And we’re not just talking about women here, men too should have folic acid in their daily diet.

If you love tea and your husband loves colas, then there is a problem. The caffeine in these has been shown to reduce fertility in men by 50% which makes it twice as long to fall pregnant. This can’t easily be tested in women but we could assume similar issues. However, green tea has been given the nod for boosting fertility. Stay clear of diets! Starvation diets, purging, bingeing, and yo-yo dieting affect ovulation and consequently your fertility.

What kind of a check-up should I go for?
Choose a gynaecologist and visit him/ her to discuss about your conception chances, any medical problems that you may have or had that may affect your conception or pregnancy and if your family history of any genetic problems. It is best to do this with your husband. Here’s a tip: Try to book the last appointment of the day for your preconception check-up. That’s when your doctor is most likely to be able to take the time to answer your questions and address your concerns without feeling rushed to go on to the next patient.

If you are having pain on one side around your tummy area, or feel bloated and fatigue is eating into your lifestyle, have a pelvic ultrasound scan that will check for ovarian cysts and fibroids (both which are benign) in the womb. Ovarian cysts can be treated by hormonal tablets and at times surgery is not needed. Fibroids usually require surgery.

What should I avoid?
Avoid cigarettes, alcohol and harmful substances. Wait a minute! Haven’t teachers been advising this from young? Anyway, now you actually have a reason to stay away from these. Miscarriages, underdevelopment in the baby’s growth (in the womb), placenta bleeding are just some of the situations that can occur from smoking and the rest.

While you are avoiding these with the husband, there is something else he needs to be aware of and try to stay clear of – heat. Heat is bad news. Chefs have lower sperm counts than average, because they’re exposed to the intense heat from the ovens. This also means men shouldn’t wear tight pants and trousers, which can cause the sperm to overheat.

What is surrogacy?

Before we get ahead of ourselves, what is surrogacy? In a nutshell, it’s when a third party agrees to carry a child for someone else. This tird party could be a relative (think Pheobe in the Friends episode, where she carries her brother and sister in law’s fertilized egg), or it could be a random stranger. Surrogacy does not guarantee a pregnancy, but the latest estimates of it’s success stands at around 38 percent. In the US, the cost of surrogacy can run anywhere from $71,000 or more.

But over in India, the cost for the entire procedure is around $18,000. Out of which between $5,000 to $9,000 is given to the surrogate mother who carries the child to term.

Who are the surrogate mums?

Surrogate mums are usually impoverished women who conceive on behalf of another couple in return for a sum of money she would otherwise take many more years to earn. For a lot of them, surrogacy is their last “decent” chance to pay off their debts, buy a house, or even save for their kid’s education.

The clinics that employ these women, usually stipulate that all surrogates must already be mothers so they understand what’s involved physically and will be less likely to become emotionally attached to the babies they birth. All surrogates are also expected to sign a contract agreeing to hand over the baby — which reassures prospective parents.

Public Opinions

Advocates of surrogacy call it a mutually beneficial relationship. The barren gets a baby, the broke gets a bonus and everyone lives happily ever after. Neutrals believe it is controversial with both advantages and disadvantages for all parties concerned. Opponents deem it as another example of third-world exploitation and a clear case of globalization gone mad.

Even doctors around the world are divided on this issue. Some feel that adoption should be the way to go for couples who are unable to conceive, while others even take it to another realm, and believe it should be an option for even gay couples.

Closer Home

Surrogacy is illegal in Singapore. It is also unlawful for local doctors to help in surrogacy. Dr P C Wong, Senior Consultant at the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at NUH, speculates that the government is holding back from legalising surrogacy due to ethical issues.

The Catholic Church is also against surrogacy. The Vatican website states: ‘Surrogate motherhood represents an objective failure to meet the obligations of maternal love, of conjugal fidelity and of responsible motherhood; it offends the dignity and the right of the child to be conceived, carried in the womb, brought into the world and brought up by his own parents; it sets up, to the detriment of families, a division between the physical, psychological and moral elements which constitute those families.’

What about you? Do you think surrogacy is an idea that should never have been born? Or is it a win-win situation for both parties involved?

Could you advise on the following?

a) How am I supposed to calculate my ovulation if my cycle is incorrect every month?

d) How to make my cycle balance back?

Answer: Irregular menstrual cycle has become common problem among women today. It is found that one out of every five women suffer with this problem. There are several reasons for a menstrual cycle to become irregular.

Dr Dana Elliott Srither

Fluctuation in periods indicates the beginning of disturbance in the natural chain of hormonal events that manage menstruation. Possible causes include smoking and alcohol.

The other common responsible factors for irregular menstrual cycle are: significant weight gain or loss, over-exercise, breastfeeding, polycystic ovarian syndrome/estrogen dominance, poor nutrition, medications, eating disorders, hormonal imbalance, recent childbirth, miscarriage or uterine abnormalities(fibroids/cysts/polyps/endometriosis).

The occasional skipped menses cycle is not the only symptom of this problem. However, continued abnormality in period is also an indication of irregular ovulation and irregular menstrual cycle. See your doctor if this continues for a long time. As irregular menstrual cycle is treated according to the cause, it is determined with a blood test, ultrasound and biopsy.

Often hormonal imbalance will be the major cause for irregular menstrual cycle, which can be treated with appropriate drugs or hormones. Surgical removal of polyps or fibroids may also be done, if required.

Treatment for irregular menses is also based on your plan for children. If you decide to have pregnancy, then a hormonal contraceptive or supplement will be prescribed to regulate your menstrual cycles.

Never get tense regarding slight change or variation in your regular menstrual period. More than 50 percent of healthy women have the problem of short-term irregular menstrual cycle.

One way to determine your fertile period is to use your body’s physiological changes during your normal menstrual cycle. The easiest is to monitor your temperature daily to determine your basal temperature. Your fertile period starts when your morning temperature reading shows an increase over your basal norm.

The other way is to observe your vaginal fluid. As you enter your fertile period, the cervical fluid becomes more gelatinous and transparent. This is to allow easier sperm mobility during this fertile period.

Some people say that you cannot take cool things or spicy food to increase your chance of pregnancy is a myth.

Adverse effects of taking hormonal contraceptives include nausea, breast tenderness, breakthrough bleeding, amenorrhea, and headaches. A few months of delay of normal ovulatory cycles may occur after discontinuation of oral contraceptives. Possible long-term effects include venous thrombosis, hypertension, Atherogenesis and stroke, hepatocellular adenoma, and cancers (breast and cervical ).

A site where you can record your cycles can be found at http://monthlyinfo.com.

Answered by:

Dr Dana Elliott Srither MBBS (Singapore), Grad Dip Family Medicine, is a certified Family Physician who believes in the principles of “Get Well” and “Stay Well”.

Got a burning question? Drop an email to doctor@theasianparent.com and we’ll get a Doctor from Singapore to reply back within a week.

“Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life,” and so goes a humorous quote. However beneath the humour lies a certain amount of truth that most working mothers would agree on.

A constant struggle between juggling the two roles – working and motherhood has not only recently been headlining the news but also something that probably every working mother would have on her mind at one point or another.

A recent survey by Friso milk powder polled women who are working mothers, on what they desired most and the answer that came up was for husbands to pitch in more. Such a want is certainly not unreasonable.

Gone are the days when a child is supposed to be nurtured by maternal love, maternal guidance and basically everything and anything that is associated with the maternal parent. The importance of strongly-involved male parenting is greatly underestimated by the men themselves. Classes, books and forums are readily available for men to begin their influential journey into parenthood.

TheAsianparent caught up with Cheryl Liew-Chng, CEO of LifeWorkz, management consultancy specializing in Work-Life, Gender and Generations in the Workplace. “Young dads are learning and gaining more exposure, taking steps towards the right direction in parenting,” says Ms. Liew-Chng, a mother of three young boys, who seems positive on the role of fathers today. However to keep this positivism afloat among fathers, companies too need to do their part by allowing a suitable amount of paternity leave. Fathers should also be allowed a certain amount of leave that can be taken in times of family emergencies.

Birth rates are Falling

For 20 years Singapore has been attempting to increase birth rates. The gradual decline is starting to raise an alarm through out the island as the percentage for needed for the population to replace itself is hitting a new low annually. More working mothers are stopping with just one child due to shortage of time, exhaustion and corporations that these mothers are employed in which discourage the birth of more children with the lack of friendly child policies.

Seeing parenting as a joy rather than a chore

In Singapore, with hectic schedules, most parents leave parenting to grandparents, caretakers, etc. However society and parents can improve such a situation. According to Ms. Liew-Chng, parenting should be made enjoyable. Holding a full time job does not necessarily mean kissing parenting time goodbye. It simply means that more care should be taken into allocating time for spending time with the child. Society, too, can make it more conducive by perhaps organising more events that family can be part of.

A silver lining through all these problems would be mothers being self-employed. On this note of self-employment, Ms. Liew-Chng has only this advice for mothers, “Be positive about what you choose to do or are doing. The best way to stay motivated is to remain positive and a strong passionate view about what you choose to do. Take obstacles that arise as a challenge and learn and grow from them.”