Before the baby comes
It is good to start preparing your child for the coming of her sibling even while you are still pregnant. First of all, it is  necessary that you express your love and affection to your child. Always say “I love you.” Give her hugs and kisses. Let her feel secure with the love you have for her. And as your tummy begins to bulge, tell her that there is a baby growing inside it.

It’s better if you can find story books that talk about babies and what goes on in mummy’s tummy. Read these books to her before she goes to sleep. Demonstrate talking to the baby and let her do the same.  Ask her to say “I love you” to the baby. Allow her to also hug the baby inside your tummy. As you do this everyday, she will grow accustomed to the baby as a part of the family even when it has not arrived. You can also bring her along during your pre-natal visits to the doctor. Involve her in everything.

These are what I did when I was pregnant with my second child and my eldest daughter was two years old at the time. I also applied the same steps when the third baby came. I found out that each of them has adjusted quickly to  the new baby when it came out. I attributed this pleasant attitude with the fact that my husband and I continued to shower each of my children with attention and love as we prepared for the coming of the baby.

When the new baby arrives
Once the baby is born, let her touch and hold the baby. But just be cautious of what she might do. She might hold the baby too tightly and be unaware of it. Talk to her about her new role as the elder sister. Ask her to do small tasks as you care for the baby. When bathing the baby, ask her to rub soap on the arms or legs of her sibling. When you dress up the baby, let her pass on to you the baby’s clothes or things. If the baby is fed with infant formula, let her hold the bottle.

You can also read again and again to her story books that talk about her role as the eldest of the young. She can even pretend to read it to her sister or brother. Point out to her how small her sibling is by observing the parts of her sibling’s body. This is to show that her sibling is fragile and that she has  to take care of her/ him.

Never fail to express and demonstrate love and affection to your child. Make her see that she is still loved even when there is already a new baby in the family. Spend time to tickle her, to cuddle her and to attend to her needs. If there are times when she  ignores her sibling, then don’t force her. Let her do what she wants to do as she copes with the changes that are taking place.

There are children who can easily adjust but there are some who cannot. A few find it difficult to accept the fact that they will no longer be the baby of the family. But you can help them in the transition by being loving and caring. When you see signs of jealousy in the older child, assure her that you love her as much as the new addition.

Do not harshly scold or reprimand her. If she shows signs of aggression, gently point out that her actions will harm her sibling. Don’t rush things for your child. Be patient with her. In time, she will get used to becoming the older sister you can be proud of.

He found himself thinking about sex even while listening to his wife reading a story by Dr. Seuss. While he was feeling hard up and demented, his wife looked like she was totally in love. He felt like he was the third wheel intruding on his wife’s blissful relationship with someone else. The object of her affection?

Their baby.

Experts say that we all have “eros” in us. It is a force that motivates us to love and to create. For mothers, doting, cuddling, feeding and fussing over their babies are wonderful expressions of this powerful force. When couples are newly-married, the only object of a wife’s eros is her husband. But as soon as the first baby is born, things totally change.

Wives can become so busy fawning over their babies that they don’t even notice their husbands at all. This usually makes men feel rejected and depressed.

Therapist Esther Perel advises couples to redirect eros back into their relationships. Wives should learn to reallocate energy back into their intimacy with their husbands. Maintaining balance is important in achieving a healthy family life.

So husbands, next time you feel like you’re the third wheel in your wife’s relationship with your baby, reach out to her and tell her that you miss her. Just hope that she’ll acknowledge you and reciprocate your attention.

When your other half strays from the relationship and looks elsewhere for emotional or physical needs, you might choose to end the relationship immediately or choose to remain in it. Either way, an extra-marital affair has crippling effects that can be felt by both parties for some time. The emotional trauma guts your soul and more often than not, the unintentional hurt affects your kids too.

So what is an affair anyway?
No, that drunken debauchery from your brother’s Christmas party does not count (Unless you’ve been eyeing your sister-in-law for a long time. Which is another story altogether.) It’s definitely not a midnight sojourn with a complete stranger in the backpacker’s inn and it definitely isn’t a one-off clandestine affair with the foreign tourist you’re never going to see again. An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else.

Pick a ballpark figure of 40% and you are pretty close to summing up the prevalent state of extra-marital affairs in marriages. In fact, I’d go out on a limb and say that both parties are more likely to have an affair than you are to divorce. Such is the state of promiscuity in the society we live in today it’s no longer a done deal when the celebrant announces John and Jane Smith are now Husband and Wife.

God gave humans the ability to feel and emote and it wasn’t until the dawn of religion did monogamy kick in. Temptations abound and we’d be lying to ourselves if we didn’t sneak another peak at the hot ass in the tight-fitting jeans.

These days it’s difficult to define what constitutes cheating and infidelity is because people have differing opinions on the subject and what they would consider appropriate or inappropriate behaviour from a spouse. As a general rule of thumb, the following points are what is deem ‘wrong’. While some couples would have no problems with the following behaviours, others might find them completely unacceptable.

• Flirt with a member of the opposite sex
• Discuss things of a sexual nature with a member of the opposite sex
• Giving gifts to a member of the opposite sex unless they are a relative
• Have sexual contact with someone other than their partner
• Chatting online with a member of the opposite sex
• Sharing personal information and feelings with someone other than their spouse.

The list is not exhaustive, but do remember some partners are extremely conservative so the onus is on you to find out what your boundaries are.

While some adventurous couples might not see anything wrong with having sex with someone else, others might baulk at the mere thought of you having a business lunch with someone of the opposite sex.

Dealing with an affair
Unless the fabric of your primary relationship has experienced a breakdown, no one can come between you and your partner. It’s important to deal with the trust issues as carrying the baggage of infidelity will over time, snowball into a series of events that will force the both of you to examine the truth and deal with the confrontational effects.

Whatever the reasons are, the less time you spend analysing the whys and the hows the more time both of you would have to grow and find out what went wrong in the relationship. The things in your life that provided you with stability has been shattered, and while Rome wasn’t built in a day, it’s important to know that the sense of stability comes from within yourself.

It’ll take time to heal and trust again, but nothing is bigger than the experience of the heart and your love and commitment to someone. It’s important to feel what you’re feeling and communicate. Confusion, bottling up your emotions, venting your anger and finding somebody to blame is all good but remember to deal with them.

Surround yourself with your friends and family. They are the buttress of support you will be relying on during this tumultuous period of your life.

Most importantly, do not blame yourself. Self-reproach is the quickest way to kill any chance of salvaging your sanity and the relationship. Not only will you fill yourself with more emptiness, your self esteem will take a bigger hit. The decision to cheat was not yours, but your partner’s.

Sure, there are problems in every relationship, but because your partner caved in and sought affections from someone else, you’re wiser and stronger than what you think you really are.

I am 47-years-old and have been happily married to the same woman for the last 15 years. We have two sons, 13 and 11 years of age. My wife is a teacher and I am an engineer. Every Friday evening, the whole family dines outside and enjoys quality time with one another. On Saturday mornings, I leave the family to join my buddies for golf in Batam and return back home by Sunday evening.

The thing is, I don’t really play golf with my friends. I just tell my wife and kids that. I’m actually visiting my mistress and daughter living in Batam. Nobody knows about this.

Love Across the Sea
I met *Wati, my mistress, when I went to Batam one weekend to relax. My wife had taken the kids to Malaysia to visit her mother and I just didn’t feel like driving all the way up. Instead, as soon as the family was off in the coach, I drove to the ferry terminal and boarded the ferry to Batam with thoughts of a rejuvenating weekend ahead. After checking in, I decided to get a foot massage. Visiting one of the popular massage parlours, I requested for a male masseuse but the only free person was a young girl. More concerned about relieving my tense muscles, I decided not to be picky and allowed them to send me whoever was free.

When she stepped into the room, I knew I was in trouble. She was absolutely stunning. She couldn’t have been more than 18-years-old. Her delicate features and creamy skin made me want to just hold her tight and shield her from the horrors of the world. As she worked her way through my sore foot muscles, I asked her a bit about herself. With her head down, she nervously answered me. She was 19-years-old and had come to Batam, from East Java, to earn a living. Her family consisted only of an older sister who was already married.

After the massage was over, I knew I just had to see her one more time. I asked her out for dinner but she hesitated. I assured her that it was just dinner and that I didn’t really want to dine alone.

Finally she agreed and I told her to meet me at one of the nearby restaurants around 7pm. I tipped her well and was off on my way. That evening as I got ready in my hotel room, I couldn’t help feeling like a schoolboy who was about to go on his first date. I splashed on some Old Spice and went downstairs to the gift shop to purchase a box of chocolates.

When I saw Wati, the second time that day, I knew I had lost my heart. She seemed too beautiful to be real. I kept pinching myself to check if it was all a dream. After a couple of rounds of drinks, Wati opened up more and we shared our past and present. I told her about my job and family. I didn’t want to keep anything from her. However, I did see the disappointment in her eyes when I mentioned my wife and children. But after a while, we moved on to other things. After dinner, I brought Wati back to my room. I don’t know if it was the drinks or the Gods upstairs were having a bet, but whatever the reason, Wati and I did things that night that changed her life and mine to a certain extent.

After smuggling visits to see Wati over 4 months, I decided to buy her a house in Batam. After a few months, Wati bore me a beautiful baby girl with the same creamy, soft skin. I was ecstatic and delirious with joy. I had always wanted a baby girl! Now my little princess is a bubbly 5 years-old who greets her daddy with kisses and big hugs. Wati is also currently pregnant with our second child and I’ve just bought her a bigger place to move into.

I see Wati and my daughter on the weekends, fortnightly. My wife doesn’t really pry into my ‘golf’ sessions so everything is flowing smoothly. I have a good relationship with my sons and nobody is being neglected in my choice of life. I send Wati money regularly so that she doesn’t have to work.

I have dreams to live out my old age with Wati but I don’t think I can ever tell my wife about this secret life.

* Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer.

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It could be anything unconventional and different from what you regularly do – perhaps you want to do a pole dance for your partner or get a Brazilian wax done. You can also try different positions or partake in oral intercourse which can give you and your beloved some hot moments. If you are in an experimental mood, you can even buy some sex toys or bring in some light bondage ideas in your regular routine. The idea is to be adventurous, as it can be fun and exciting for both of you.

The best time to do it is when your partner is least expecting it. He or she will be too surprised to let it sink in and will definitely want to enjoy the new sensation. Whatever you do, do it with a hundred per cent zeal so that it makes you feel good. If you do anything half-heartedly and without confidence, you will hesitate during the performance and become self conscious, which in turn won’t allow you to enjoy it.

So, without further hesitation, just turn on the heat in the sack!

It is necessary that you deal with stressful situations together by opening up communication channels. Since the two of you have made a commitment to stay together in good times and bad, you have to nurture each other in adverse situations. You need to really listen to what your partner is talking about and try and meet each others’ needs.

Don’t allow unhappiness and stress to displace the intimacy in your life. Try to spend some time alone together, do things that are fun. Laugh more as it is the best medicine to cope with stress and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.

There are times when you need to be supportive to each other, encourage and uplift each others’ spirits. Remember – marriages are about dealing with issues together and you too can chase the blues away by doing things together.

Love Guru’s answer is simply to tell her that she has to start thinking about herself and her child. The expert’s advice is for her to have a talk with her in-laws and tell them what she feels – that their son is ruining her life and that of her child’s. Further, Love Guru advises her to tell them of her desire to have a fresh start as her in-laws will most likely support her. Love Guru also told her to assure her in-laws of their freedom to visit their grandchildren.

If you were to give this woman advice, what would it be? Do you agree with Love Guru’s advice?

2.    Feel sexy: It doesn’t matter if you feel bloated or you’ve had a bad hair day – it’s all in the mind. When you feel sexy from the inside, you will be able to enhance your enjoyment of lovemaking.

3.    Be descriptive: Don’t expect your spouse to know how and where to touch you. You have to tell him what you want and talk about the things that turn you on. Ask him to explore you. It’s a safari the both of you will enjoy for sure!

4.    Keep your eyes open: You will be surprised to find how turned on you are if you keep your eyes open while making love. Men too love this and will return whatever you give them along with interest!

So what are you waiting for? Make use of these tips today to juggle sex and busy life with élan!

Researchers from UC Berkeley observed the conversations of more than a hundred couples and discovered some interesting things. Their findings say that couples who used the words “we”, “ours” and “us” were less stressed and had better relationships. But those who constantly used “I”, “me” and “you” were unhappy and less satisfied in their marriages.

What this study is telling us is very simple – be less self-centered. Obstacles and challenges are part of a marriage. No matter what we do, they will always be there. But to successfully overcome each challenge or obstacle that comes our way, we have to be one with our spouses. The use of “we” builds a greater sense of cooperation and shared identity.

So the next time you find yourself saying “I” or “me”, remind yourself that married life is not just about you. Everybody, that means your husband (and your kids), are also stakeholders in your family.

Doing things together is the simplest way to reconnect with each other and it could be anything, including folding the laundry, helping out in the kitchen, washing or drying dishes and the like. The point is to spend time together so that you can actually talk to each other. Discuss the events of the day with each other at the end of the day. Acknowledge the other partner when you meet him or her at the end of the day.

Decide to have brunch or breakfast together, without the children, if any, at least once a week and make it a special event. Make sure to spend your meals together, whenever possible, in order to strengthen your bonding. Organizing family events or even parties together can help in staying connected as it allows you more time to communicate with each other.

There are many such things that you can really do together and all it takes is a little imagination and effort from your side.