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I read somewhere that in every life, a little rain must fall to make it more interesting and meaningful. But I caused a thunderstorm in my husband’s life three years ago. A thunderstorm that he has no clue about.
My husband is a businessman and I’m a piano teacher. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. The children are very close in age which is no surprise as I was popping them out yearly. By the time my fifth arrived, I knew I had enough. I begged my husband to go for a vasectomy but being the pig-headed fellow that he is, he refused. I realised that birth control pills were going to be the only things that could save my sanity.
However, we all know that pills, condoms and other methods of birth control are only able to help 99%. With the kind of luck I’m strapped with, that 1% turned out to be my 6th pregnancy.
At first, I had no idea I was pregnant. My husband and I are social butterflies and almost every Saturday, we are at a dinner function or party or some sort of get-together. Anyway, after one such Saturday, we were both a little tipsy from the drinks served and my husband’s good friend dropped us off. After checking (or at least that’s what I think we did) on the children, we managed to get onto the second floor and turn the corner into our bedroom. One thing led to another and soon we were asleep with the occasional teenage giggling between us.
Around 2 months later, I started throwing up regularly and feeling moody. Now I’ve had this 5 times before so I knew where this was headed. Nevertheless, I took a pregnancy test to confirm. Massive hysteria upon realisation!! I couldn’t believe it was happening for the sixth time! I still remember my maid staring at me as I cursed in different dialects (thankfully my husband and children were not at home). I started to cry uncontrollably and hit my stomach. This shouldn’t and couldn’t be happening. I barely had enough time for myself with the 5 monsters already present!
I knew my husband was going to be adamant about keeping the child if I told him. He always had mentioned that 6 was his lucky number and always prayed we would have another child just to round up the 5 to a 6. Also, being a big believer in big families, there was no way he was going to give this child up for adoption or anything else. I knew I didn’t want this child and I had to get rid of it myself. So I stood at the top of my stairs and looked down. I placed myself at the tip of the top stair and closed my eyes. Before my body could move backwards, I stopped. I wasn’t that strong.
Then, I ran like a maniac around my house, purposely bumping into things like the sharp end of the table, the edge of my piano, etc. The only thing that got me was a bruise on the shin and the family dog racing after me thinking I was playing with it. After colliding with a vase and having the glass shatter all around me, I came to my senses. This foolish behaviour would have to stop and I seriously had to think of a way to get out of this.
Searching For A Clinic
So after going through a few places that offered abortion services, I chose the one furthest from home. I had initially considered going across the causeway to have it done but the hassle of explaining my whereabouts to everyone made me drop that plan. It was just too risky.
It was a Monday morning. I still remember the day clearly because I woke up feeling like I’ve never felt before. Rejuvenated, happy and just full of enthusiasm for the day. Until I realised this was the day I was going to kill my baby.
I wore my favourite dress and caught a cab to the clinic. It felt a little surreal and almost like a twisted version of ‘Rosemary’s Baby’. After the procedural signature signings were over, I was wheeled away. The word, ‘freedom’ was flashing in my mind in neon lights.
After what seemed like a trip to the unknown and back, I woke up with traces of anaesthesia. Resting for a while, I managed to groggily hop into a cab and go home. At home, I instructed the kids and the maid to leave me alone as I was having a bad case of the flu.
My husband believed the flu lie and the whole house stayed away from me long enough for me to rest. Today I’m a happy mother of 5 healthy children and a contented wife while all are none the wiser about my secret.
Yes, abortion is bad, abortion is cruel but don’t you think bringing a child into this world and neglecting it, is twice as bad? At least this way, the foetus didn’t feel a thing!
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer.
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Your fetus didn’t feel a thing? Did you just conceive a dummy? You better take back those words. I can’t believe I’m reading this from a Catholic! I spent years trying to conceive a child but I was greeted with unwanted miscarriages over and over again, it’s driving me nuts and you think that killing a baby is a painless process?? I’m not saying much but I hope you feel something from your sordid act! I sure hope your husband find out one day!
i havent met or know such stupid,psychotic,lunatic person as her!!!rot in hell lady!
I don’t mean to condame but I know the difficulty of bring up children, let alone 5 monsters.
There are many couples like myself wanting to have children and yet unable. I know many couples will happily adopt that child and give it a happy home.
Well, I understand that if she is going to go through that pregnancy period, she will proabably keep the 6th as the husband demanded.
I hope you go to hell
You should have spoken to your husband. It’s not fair, for it is his child too.
There’s something called LIGATION if you haven’t already know…..the fetus “that didn’t feel a thing” had a heart beat!
I believe its not right, but sometimes its just a decision only you can make,! Its easy for people to comment but nobody knows what you go through daily!
Ignore the rest! You did what you had to do! GoD loves you no matter what!
Evil condamns, good forgives!
God Bless you my Child! God Bless us all!
For a moment of happiness, you killed a life! You are very very selfish!!!! It is a living thing ok, mind you.
Some people can be so ungrateful as to kill a gift from God and be so proud of what they did.
You will just have to wait to hear what God has to say to youon judgement day as you have made a promise at the altar to love and bring up the children He will give to you and your husband.
I pity your husband to have married a woman who would kill her own child.
Having 5 children is tough. But killing an innocent child is really not acceptable. A Fetus is a life not a thing with no feelings. One should take responsibility for each own doing. A very sad case…
In case u get pregnant again…feel free to contact me as my husband n I are willing to adopt a baby, since we cudnt conceive anymore… azwanfazwani@yahoo.com
how could u sound so proud after killing a life?
u think raising many kids is difficult, how come killing a life is easy???
HI martha, i guess is hard to have so many babies and at the same time to take care of the house and husband. Strongly advise you to use some form of protection to avoid the same accident…..you can try the one that get inserted into your arm, i have one and it keeps me infertile for atleast 3 years. My husband pass away last year and i have two of his lovely boys age 4 and 1. Who are we to judge you? but martha killing another ‘living-embryo’ especially from the human species ..it is not right. Please take pre-cautions NOW. Blessings….
I can understand how hard it is for Martha to take care of 5 kids but that does not give her an excuse to kill an innocent life. Every child is a blessing from GOD.I think that she is the selfish one NOT her husband. Moreover she has a maid. Working as a piano teacher? How hard is that to cope with? I knw mothers who have to bring up 5 children by themselves without the privileges of having a maid and are not financially inclined. She should be ashamed of herself!
Agreed with sandy.
What i think of what the writer of this strory did doesn’t matter…. and for all of you who are so angry and judgmental towards her….RELAX…. it was her decision about her life. Do i think it was right, No i don’t, but hurtling nasties at her is right?
As a husband and a father and a proud Pro Lifer i would not recomend an abortion to anyone. But i do know i have made decsions that in retrospect seem to go against my values and ethics, but they made sense at the time and desperation can make alot things make sense that actually don’t.
I think most of the nasty angry comments above come from those who are experiencing some desperation and it is you i feel sorry for…. Make athe chose to be happy with your situation everyday!!
Okay. I think all of you are being super judgemental. The poor girl…she already has FIVE KIDS! it’s not easy…
yeah, no wonder she is raising monsters because what she did was monstrous too. Im speechless to this kind of people. Its not easy, yes i agree, but that does not mean you can kill someone. So after this, if life started to treat you bad, you are going to kill someone else to solve your problem? Short-minded. Anyway, the baby does not deserve a monstrous mother like this. Agreed with Azwa, if you dont want the child, give him/her to someone else. Then co-raise the child.
My comments are directed to most of the those who made angry and nasty comments before me.
WHAT A BLOODY JUDGEMENTAL SOCIETY!!!
To Martha W the writer, your body, your life, your decision.
Cheers!
I can imagine myself in her shoes. No one should ever judge anyone without knowing the life she is actually going through. Although she has a maid and working as a piano teacher plus 5 kids to care for can be a burden. God is merciful and this is between her and God and not for us mere human beings to judge and condemn her. Everyone makes mistakes despite irregardless of it being big or small ones. She’s the one that had to go through the trouble of getting protected..the husband just could not be bothered. So, at desperate measures an abortion was all that was left to her. I am against abortions but I feel for her. And now she is a happy mother to 5 kids. At the end, we have to do what is right for us despite what everyone tells us.
I hope she will learnt her lesson. Please plan and pray to God. 5 kids enough and u’d better go for bilateral tubal ligation (BTL) if ur husband dont want to do the vasec method. I thinks thats the best. Women always be the black sheep. TQ thats my 2cent idea!
Hell is waiting for you!
r u gonna tell your family u killed your own child? r u still enjoy make love? If u so scare to get pregnant again u better stop make love killer
All of you readers are so bloody judgemental and pathetic. Seriously, try to walk a mile in her shoe!
Well like we all know..nobody is perfect…its not us to judge other. off kos when we read her story.but we never know wats playing in her mind and how she really feels.some may get angry.but the person who hurt the most is her.only god knows that to do.we only read so just keep to ourself on the anger.
You call ur 5 kids monsters, that already make me wonder? I am mother of 2 girls and I also don’t have time for myself but it’s worth it because seeing ur kids growing is something much much valuable thing in this world. I am not being judgmental, but don’t you think it’s ur fault that u were pregnant?
I think the reason why this article warranted so many angry remarks was the way it was written. It was written in a pretty harsh unfeeling way.
Other than having her own reason to do what she did, have you guys (yes, you – the judgmental ones) ever thought that this is her way (to separate from the situation) of coping with her decision?
I believe the presence of God, but please, stop making references to God in vain when critisizing people.
5 monsters??? u call u child 5 monsters?? OMG!What kind of a mother r u woman? I am so damn bloody sad lady… so sad.. i myself tried to conceive for almost 2 yrs and luckily God gave this gift. And she is now 2 yrs old.. How i wish i could gave birth to another and another and another.. but i am still trying hard to conceive.. i wont do such a thing to kill my baby.. no matter what.. i am muslim. And as a muslim it is a big sin to do such thing. I’m sure in ur bibble they dont teach u such thing..right?… urrrggghhh!!! i’m so dissapointed! Even an animal love their little ones.. u r definitely are worst than an animal.. lady!! and u wanna call urself a mother of 5? pu called them 5 monsters.. and who is the monsters mummy.. u are woman.. u are the monsters mom.. the biggest monster ever!!!
i mean, how long was ur pregnant. n u say is a only a foetus .. but as i know, the so-called u call, got a heart-beating…
also – *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer.
Meaning, u got no guts to put ur real name. if u does, i belief the google full of ur searching names.
i think its wrong for u to say the fetus didnt feel anything. did u watch a video abt abortion and the fetus actually felt something? did u know that ur baby know that the mother is going to kill him/her?
its God’s gift to give u a child. if u dont want another child, U can go for vasectomy instead or try better protection. if u can enjoy sex, then u shd know the consequences!
anyway its ur decision.
I would strongly agree with lynnora and mr.”male perspective” ‘s comments.
Let’s all be practical and follow the simple policy of life : Live and Let Live.
I wouldn’t like someone telling me what’s best for me nor judging my actions.
Nor would I like to force my ideologies on someone else.
She did what she thought was best for her.
She just seemed to have used strong harsh words. Maybe she should mind her language on the flipside!
i have 2 kids myself. i understand having so many children can practically damage your sanity. i believe the sin belongs to your husband. you should FORCE him to use protection. condoms are the easiest.
women are always the ones blamed on. of course your husband wants to keep the 6th child, of course everyone else condemns u for the abortion, they are not the one who’s about to go through 9 months of pregnancy, labor that could be life threatening as this is the 6th baby, and not to mention, raising the child!
what are u all thinking?
its her choice. and you only want the best for your family. having one more mouth to feed in this economy is really burdensome.
i still think its your husband’s fault! if men have to go through pregnancy, then they would never ever comment on you.
God bless all his children.
Seriously, i don’t think she was in the wrong.
Those who are mad that she referred to her kids as monster, u telling me that u have never felt ur kids are monsters? Please, at some point as much as we love our kids, they can drive us mad.
Infact, I am so happy she used her brains and aborted. I mean, it’s better to abort then bring in a child that she might mistreat because of her hatred towards the kids.
It’s not like as though she was not on the pill. it wasn’t her fault she got pregnant.
And ofcourse she could not tell her husband. He would have never allowed her to go for the abortion or to send the child for adoption.
She really had no choice.
For those who judged her action.. let me ask one question – which of your who has condemend her has not sinned yourself?
I am sure she is quite sadden with her action (although she tries to make believe that she is not in this story of hers). Let her action be judged by God.. and not anyone of us.
I think she is suffering enough knowing that she has a dark secret that she has to keep from her loved one for life. That can also be very tortureous. Having said that, am not into abortion, however I believe in quality of life. If she and her husband cannot give the child the quality of life (e.g. love, attention, time, tender loving care).. since they already have A HANDFUL.. then maybe what she did was for the best. Maybe…. just maybe…
I am not disgusted by this writer. I am so disgusted with you all the readers!
Please lah. Give this woman a break.
It’s not easy to raise SIX KIDS! Which is better, have the baby, but then have the mother commit suicide cause she cannot cope. Or abort the baby?
She obviously was on the edge of insanity. Who are we to judge her? You think it is easy for any woman to abort?
I have ever gone for an abortion before. I got pregnant on my honeymoon, but my husband and I were not prepared for a child.
We didn’t use a condom, but withdrawal method instead. I didn’t expect to get pregnant. It was very reckless of us to do that. But I knew there was no way I could keep the child. I mean that would have been a wrong decision. And two wrongs do not make one right. The decision of aborting was so painful. I spent many days crying…but I knew I HAD TO.
So what are you all going to judge me now?
Abortion is wrong plain and simple.
Atleast you got the title write. You did kill your child.
And that is a SIN.
Here are some interesting stats:
In 2006 – there were more than 12,000 abortions in sgp
1391 involved teenage mums
and 19 were girls under 15
About 2/3 of abortions here are performed on married women…
Wow – i’m so sickened by this woman’s description from her husband being described as “pig-headed”, her children being called “monsters”, and actually careening about her home in an effort to damage her “fetus” as well as herself… this woman is clearly not in a good place mentally. And her relationship is not where it should be if the parents can’t have a frank, open discussion and be able to reach compromise. While i agree that women have the right to determine what should be done with their bodies, i DO NOT AGREE with her taking the life of her child that WAS NOT ONLY HERS. The father has rights too, and not only denied her “fetus” the right to life, but also her husband the right to know. This woman is exactly what’s wrong with the world today… not to mention her husband who does not consider the feelings of his wife. This is a sad and sickening tale all around. The abortion should have been a mutual decision. Instead this woman acted so selfishly. Is talking to her husband about it not an option? how about putting the baby up for adoption? I would love to adopt a baby – in fact, i would offer to adopt this woman’s “monsters” GLADLY as she is clearly spineless.
i don’t think what the writer did is right. why can’t we be judgemental? we protest about war and terrorism but not abortion? ‘the leaders have chosen to kill innocent lives, it’s their choice, it’s between them and God..’
both are about killing lives people..
i don’t understand…
if you feel that when you bring the baby into the world, he or she would feel neglected, then you should have taken all measures to prevent the pregnancy such as abstinence. but since you already got pregnant, then you should’ve went through with it and deal with whatever it takes to raise him/her or just have her adopted. i’m sure you will get a lot of support from other people. i can’t believe you even felt that way after killing your baby while there are a lot of women in the world dying to have one! it’s not a reason for you to think that since the baby didn’t feel anything (which on the contrary, he/she did), or it’s better that the baby did not leave so as not to feel the bad world and stuff that it’s up to you to decide what should happen to him/her. remember that the bad things in the world and our hope and effort to be happy makes living worthwhile. and we don’t even know for sure what happens to the unborn when they die right? if you ever felt fear thinking about what’ll happen next after your own death, then you could’ve thought about what the baby felt at the time. you were the only one who knows about him/her who could’ve been the only one who could protect him/her, but you insisted on letting the abortionist know too and even allowed that person to kill YOUR BABY???!!! well i know that this act is irreversible, but if you ever feel repentance in you heart, at least make the baby known with her brothers, sisters, father and the rest of the people around you. it’s difficult to really confess an abortion because you’ll have to confess through a priest and the priest will schedule your confession with a bishop. but nevertheless, if not to save your baby’s soul, then you could save yours…i’m a bit teary eyed now as i myself have lost a son to some congenital dysfunction…
War and terrorism affects a GREAT number of victims. Abortion affects… what? 2 people? 3?
If everyone was so free to protest about little things that has no MASS EFFECT, then we should all start protesting against insectide as well. Cruelty to a great number of insects!
Please, everyone just GROW UP.
She may have sinned. She may have committed a mistake. So? ARE YOU GOD? Do you have that purity within you to have the RIGHTS to condemn someone?
You may think you have done no wrong in your life, and therefore you are “entitled” to cast stones in God’s name
am really sad for u for killing the baby..and i am especially sad for the heartbeat that was in ur womb…
it took me sometime to conceive and i know how difficult it is to conceive..i agree with the rest that the child could have been adopted by other childless couples when he/she was born… this is really sad..
it isn’t even obvious in the entry that she felt bad about what happened…in fact, i would conclude she felt even better and that was what brought out my reaction and i believe, the negative reactions of the others as well. it’s one thing to make a mistake, being sorry for it is another…
I’m a mother of 2…..I really understand what she’s going thru. We live in this world to enjoy life being humans….not dread with a life that is not happy. I understand how Martha feels…I really do….but as mentioned please be more careful next time…otherwise you would have to live the rest of your life with guilt.
Hi Martha,
I feel really shocked that you took that decision to abort your 6th child. You must feel really distraught looking back at that foolish decision. You could’ve discussed it with your husband and send it off for adoption instead. Abortion should’ve never been an option. Albeit, what’s done is done and please try not to make such decisions in the future? Life is all about choices that we make, so pls make gd ones.
Anw, I think other comments (the bad/ugly ones) shouldnt have been too judgemental. What’s this abt rot in hell & all? We are but human. Human err once in a while, but that doesnt mean God wont give us the chance to repent? Im sure you have made mistakes in your life as well.
Difference is Martha dared to hang out her dirty laundry as a lesson to all of us! For that, kudos to you, it’s not easy for a woman to have gone through what you did and write about it.
Wish you a happy life ahead with your family. =)
Im sorry, but having already 5 children is not an excuse to delete a fetus. It is not a photo that you can just erase from your computer.
Why do I have the nerve to write this? because my my Grandmother raised 13 children, and my other Grandmother raised 6 children on their own.
And all grew up to be a great human being.
A life sacrificed.
It’s not about the people here being judgmental. As parents, we know the love for our children.
Prolly she is numb from having 5 kids, she don’t feel a thing anymore.
It’s not that an abortion is definitely a bad thing. It’s the woman’s attitude! She’s in fact rejoicing from the murder of her own child!
Hi Martha,
I’m sure it’s as difficult to share this story with us as to decide to go through the abortion… Life is, after all, not all pleasant and there are times when we have to make decisions we don’t really want to make.
Now that you have learnt the contraceptive methods you’ve been using doesn’t work, search out the others that WILL work. That will be best for your conscience, too.
Bless you.
The foetus inside me has feelings. It has been a great help in comforting me during my pregnancies.We went through the tough nine months together and now she is an absolute bundle of joy which all of us longed to see after a hard day’s work. Although there are times we will all feel so exhausted and frustrated, but nothing compares to the joy of sseing this little angel growing up.
Abortion is a cruel thing to do. Foetus has feelings too.
Martha,
I know that you are having a hard time raising 5 kids and I feel for you,if indeed you are a real mom or a real person that is.
Excuse me but I have been reading between the lines of your story. I agree with some that it is either you have a lot of personal issues or you just wrote this to stir up controversy specialy with the UN- governments and the Churches having a present day deliberation on this issue.
Reality speaking most women even those who got pregnant and arent married would have a hard time even admitting this, what more from someone married and already had children? So what is the real score on this? Confession or a very harsh personal protest?
To the readers of this… think for yourself. maybe you are being used for your reactions whether you are pros and cons, either way.