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I read somewhere that in every life, a little rain must fall to make it more interesting and meaningful. But I caused a thunderstorm in my husband’s life three years ago. A thunderstorm that he has no clue about.
My husband is a businessman and I’m a piano teacher. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. The children are very close in age which is no surprise as I was popping them out yearly. By the time my fifth arrived, I knew I had enough. I begged my husband to go for a vasectomy but being the pig-headed fellow that he is, he refused. I realised that birth control pills were going to be the only things that could save my sanity.
However, we all know that pills, condoms and other methods of birth control are only able to help 99%. With the kind of luck I’m strapped with, that 1% turned out to be my 6th pregnancy.
At first, I had no idea I was pregnant. My husband and I are social butterflies and almost every Saturday, we are at a dinner function or party or some sort of get-together. Anyway, after one such Saturday, we were both a little tipsy from the drinks served and my husband’s good friend dropped us off. After checking (or at least that’s what I think we did) on the children, we managed to get onto the second floor and turn the corner into our bedroom. One thing led to another and soon we were asleep with the occasional teenage giggling between us.
Around 2 months later, I started throwing up regularly and feeling moody. Now I’ve had this 5 times before so I knew where this was headed. Nevertheless, I took a pregnancy test to confirm. Massive hysteria upon realisation!! I couldn’t believe it was happening for the sixth time! I still remember my maid staring at me as I cursed in different dialects (thankfully my husband and children were not at home). I started to cry uncontrollably and hit my stomach. This shouldn’t and couldn’t be happening. I barely had enough time for myself with the 5 monsters already present!
I knew my husband was going to be adamant about keeping the child if I told him. He always had mentioned that 6 was his lucky number and always prayed we would have another child just to round up the 5 to a 6. Also, being a big believer in big families, there was no way he was going to give this child up for adoption or anything else. I knew I didn’t want this child and I had to get rid of it myself. So I stood at the top of my stairs and looked down. I placed myself at the tip of the top stair and closed my eyes. Before my body could move backwards, I stopped. I wasn’t that strong.
Then, I ran like a maniac around my house, purposely bumping into things like the sharp end of the table, the edge of my piano, etc. The only thing that got me was a bruise on the shin and the family dog racing after me thinking I was playing with it. After colliding with a vase and having the glass shatter all around me, I came to my senses. This foolish behaviour would have to stop and I seriously had to think of a way to get out of this.
Searching For A Clinic
So after going through a few places that offered abortion services, I chose the one furthest from home. I had initially considered going across the causeway to have it done but the hassle of explaining my whereabouts to everyone made me drop that plan. It was just too risky.
It was a Monday morning. I still remember the day clearly because I woke up feeling like I’ve never felt before. Rejuvenated, happy and just full of enthusiasm for the day. Until I realised this was the day I was going to kill my baby.
I wore my favourite dress and caught a cab to the clinic. It felt a little surreal and almost like a twisted version of ‘Rosemary’s Baby’. After the procedural signature signings were over, I was wheeled away. The word, ‘freedom’ was flashing in my mind in neon lights.
After what seemed like a trip to the unknown and back, I woke up with traces of anaesthesia. Resting for a while, I managed to groggily hop into a cab and go home. At home, I instructed the kids and the maid to leave me alone as I was having a bad case of the flu.
My husband believed the flu lie and the whole house stayed away from me long enough for me to rest. Today I’m a happy mother of 5 healthy children and a contented wife while all are none the wiser about my secret.
Yes, abortion is bad, abortion is cruel but don’t you think bringing a child into this world and neglecting it, is twice as bad? At least this way, the foetus didn’t feel a thing!
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer.
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its not fair to judge someone if ur not in their shoes. as wrong as abortion might be, she made a decision that is right for HER and her FAMILY. so please, all of u who condemned her, look at urselfs first before making judgement. are u so prefect?
Well said Dee!
But for someone who doesnt want to be condemned Martha should have given her statements in a more “humane” way also…Making me want to think this is all a fabrication to stir up controversy on both sides.
And what a timing too! Today UN governments are having talks about legalizing abortion as a woman’s right.
Let us not go after each other’s throats on this.
Let us all think objectively.
If Martha is a real person she should have been also loving to her existing kids for they too have rights and should not be labeled as “monsters” in public.
Also if Martha is truely “Catholic” or Christian in which are the foremost sectors against abortion. She should have known better to go ahead with such and not be remorseful instead of saying rejuvenated as though she came from the spa.
The Catholic and Christian Sectors teaches their members with Concience gripping diligense.
So Martha I guess you are neither in the real sense or is just claiming to be one.
I suggest you do not go back to church because I guess your conscience would soon get the better of you and maybe I would soon read your confessions inside the psycho ward?
There is no factual basis for all your claims and statements.
So I guess this just one big propaganda!
I dare you Martha to go to your National TV for your confession and have your statements cleared.
I have three kids and I already feel like I am dying! I totally understand why you did what you did.
Hugs!
My goodness. Such judgemental and righteous anger, and from Christians. So, where’s that turn the other cheek, and let those who have not sinned cast the first stone?
All damned hypocrites, every single one of you. DAMNED HYPOCRITES.
What’s done cant’ be undone, since u already have so many children, please go for LIGATION! No worries for any unplanned pregnancy!
Furthermore it’s damaging to the woman’s health to go for abortion, there’s risk of womb abortion and we never know what will happen during old age.
Please for goodness’s sake, go FOR LIGATION~~!!!
good more women should take her rights in the third world countries and do as they want and not the demanding husbands i am happy for you
Let us not judge her based on our own values. It’s her right to do what she thinks best for herself and her family. Considering the risks, she’s actually sacrifing her own health for the sake of the future. It’s not fair for us to blame her.. just because she’s a woman, a wife and a mother. No matter what religion or belief u hold on to, a man is responsible to whatever actions his wife and children do. If he is really responsible, why then,didn’t he do his part? Why does it always have to be the wife? Did he ever considered how his wife felt about having another baby? Did he ever shared her stress and anguish in bringing up their children? Was he always there to tend to their night cries and illness? Yes, money and maid is a help but sharing the responsibilty btween your spouse meant a lot more than leaving it to your maid to be solved. To most man, the number of children are like prizes they can brag about. They demand for more but they tend to forget the responsibilities that come with it..
So Martha, get on with your life.Let bygone be bygone.I’m glad that you have a happy life now.
What’s done is done.. Please, take precaution after this.
You shouldnt have said “foetus didnt feel a thing”!
There are so many couples who couldnt conceive, yet you abort and to mention such sentence. Abortion, is not evil… everyone has their own reasons to their action. It is so cruel to say that your foetus will not feel anything!
I againts abortion in any reasons. Coz my children is my top priority. They are the reasons I am breathing and living.. even when they became ‘mosnter’ still, they are my everyday blessed of life.
All these verbal slamming against people being judgmental is dumb. Martha has already judged that another child will just ruin her life. Yes it’s easy to forget the husband is also partly responsible for this but he never suggested killing the child, I’m sure he’ll oppose to it if he had known.
No matter what’s been said, I’m happy to know that Martha will be psychologically haunted by her own killing act, for the rest of her life. It’s inhuman to take the life of others. It brings about God’s wrath and I’m sure He’ll never let you get away with it. Why put God in the picture? Well she never shouldn’t have mentioned about being Catholic in the first place. So this, is a guilty conscience forever etched into her dumb brain. That itself is a gift of curse for you Martha. Congratulations, mother monster. Get yourself ligated u dumb woman!
I believed in whatever God give that is a reason behind. It is not our right to kill the fetus. Although having 5 children is tough, but since already have 5, additional 1 kid is not a big duel. After all it is not financial problem or health matter. It is a mother who just don’t want the baby.
I had a great experience during my pregnancy. Which almost cause me to give up my child. Nonetheless, I sticked on what I’m believe, now I had over come all the difficultive and has a good time.
I still believe GOD give an angel to us for a reason. We must be greatful and accept it.
Comments are everybody rights. What she did is wrong in the eyes of religion. But in human rights, she did what she had to do. For now she is safe. In hereafter she have to pay for her doing. She know that too. Stop commenting and judging her. Give her a break. Enough is enough.
god bless u..no matter how u had already make a decision. what is pass is pass. Rather then later u get crazy or 6 monster…i totally understand how u feel. even i knw abortion is bad.
What’s with all the anti-choice comments?
Killed a life? So, by cleaning and sanitizing your own homes, aren’t you people killing the lives of billions of bacteria? Think again.
i actually wonder how many other can carry their child up to 40 weeks inside their wombs and kill or abandon their infants once they’re delivered. am not a pro abortion nor am against it. i have a 13.5 months baby girl (whom I adore so much) and am expecting a second one this year and already think that 2 is quite enough. so i guess i could imagine and sympathized what a mom of 5 would probably go through.
hey think in her shoes.. if you’ve got 5 children on your heels everyday, wouldn’t you feel the same as what she’s feeling? its 5 children! and you know how children nowadays are. spoil, demanding, strawberry generation… pressure from all these could lead to a unhappy relationship between the parents. so what if you are a holy christian here to condemn her acts? would you be brave enough to bear a sixth child if you were her? think before condemning. would you rather give birth to a child who you will grow to dislike and let the child suffer an unhappy childhood? give her a break, holy people, she’s doing what’s more practical.
Whilst i can understand your point of view, Im not sure if you did the right thing.
Perhaps you should have thought of the consequences -after all, there is a reason why protection is so readily available. Having said that, i acknowledge that fun often gets in the way and at times like those, you dont really think.
But there must be another way to try and set things right. Aborting the baby and then hiding the truth from your husband certainly doesnt seem like the right decision…
seriously, can u think it frm the other way? there are numbers of couples out there trying so hard so hard to conceive but yet they got nothing. u’r blessed with 5+1 n yet u choose to abor him/her away n yet u still hve the cheek to say that ‘the feotus dun feel a thing’?! do u know that the moment u’r preg, the feotus heartbeat is already connected to u! before u went on any abortion did u dic frm the clinic show u series of CDs that tell u how the procedures are like? if ur child is a dummy or retarded, i got nothing much to comments abt ur abortion. seriously, u’r nt fit to be a mother of 5!
Dear Rebecca: Judging from your post you are an uneducated moron. Grow up, learn to spell and write like a civilised person why don’t you, then people might just listen to your point of view.
It’s easy to compose your post in ‘word’, check the spelling and grammar, then post it. Do you want to be taken seriously or don’t you?
at least if u abort you feel sad about that we understand but you feel happy?
i HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH COLD BLOODED MONSTER LIKE YOU.
I WISH RETRIBUTION GETS TO YOU
whether ruining the child life is all under ur hands
you can change it. nothing is impossible.
Enough with the holier than thou attitudes. What the hell is all your problem?
Cant you see that the woman did the RIGHT Thing. She acted practically!
ANd it’s not like she wanted to get pregnant in the first place. It was an accident. AN unwanted pregnancy. Plus she was on birth control, so she really was acting cautious.
Grow up all of you!
Just like to emphasize the foetus is a life.
So sad that he or she has chosen you as parent.
A child is a gift from God. Why so cruel and deny the rights of the baby.
Ya, talking about human rights, rights, rights, rights…
B***h. No wonder there are 12,000 abortions in Singapore. With women like her…
the foetus didnt feel a thing?! are you human or what?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOR1wUqvJS4
the foetus didnt feel a thing?! are you human or what?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOR1wUqvJS4
how ridiculous of judgemental people to accuse others of being judgemental! who are we to judge her?! more like, who are you to judge those who condemn her?
some mums have no choice but to abort their babies because of certain health or family reasons. and here, you are blessed with a perfectly healthy child and a stable family. and you chose to abort it? you dont even want to give him or her a chance to live. my heart aches for your child. it all stems from your selfish desire to have more time for yourself. it’s plain selfishness and irrationality on your part. you could have discussed it with your hubby first before you decided to let your ego get over you.
you just do not have the capacity for true motherly love. i pity your other 5 kids too.
I suppose you think that a woman is some kind of baby factory. You speak about irrationality, but you don’t demonstrate that you understand the meaning of the word. What Martha W did was supremely rational, even if you don’t agree with it and I don’t like it, it was a rational and brave action.
Save your pity for yourself, you should take a look in the mirror sometime.
I wish your husband were a more understanding person. It’s not fair that you had to go through with the abortion on your own. No one takes a life lightly, least of all a mother. I know you must have gone through hell. I think it’s a husband’s duty to be by his wife in such circumstances. As to the evil bigots who have condemned you for your brave action, they will get their just desserts one day.
Abortion raises complex ethical issues and cannot be discussed in simple black and white terms, if we are to debate the issues with integrity we must acknowledge that grey areas and questions will abound.
While I am definitely anti abortion, the situations where I think it is permissible is in the cases of potential death (if the mother might die due to the delivery) and in cases of rape.
I understand that Martha didn’t plan on getting pregnant, was even on the pill, and felt hopeless as she couldn’t give up the baby for adoption due to her controlling hubby,…but in this situation it sure seems that she was wrong to have aborted. If I were her and I knew that I had enough of babies, I would have gone for a ligation so I would never be in this situation.
Dear Diana
I agree with much of what you have said in your comment, however…
(1) you say that abortion isn’t a black and white issue, yet you proceed to list the circumstances in which abortion should be permissible. So where are the “grey areas”? Or are all the other circumstances – the ones you haven’t mentioned – “grey areas”?
(2) According to the British National Health Service, “Female sterilisation is more than 99% effective, and only one in 200 women will become pregnant after the operation” And “The Pill is 99% effective at preventing pregnancy”
So you could become pregnant in either case. Never say never.
Don’t judge. As you would not like to be judged yourself
I agree, in everyday life we should try not to judge each other and of course we should always try to see and understand the other person’s point of view, however the point of this type of blog is to elicit comments, views and opinions. It would not be a very interesting or informative blog if people were always non-judgemental and politically correct when giving their opinions and joining in with the debate.
You are really BRAVE to go bear the pain all by yourself and think practically. Life is yours and do what you deem is right. Ignore others comments cos they aren’t you – they can’t imagine the kind of life you’re having with 5 kids in this practical & money-centric world. If anyone reprimand you, ask them to give birth to 6 kids and have a taste of it.
This is a very tough issue indeed. I pray I am never put in this situation.
martha, i so feel you. for those who have been lambasting women who made the choice to abort, screw you. you do not know the kind of circumstances that made them do it. i dod it too. it is a guilt that will stay with me and haunt me to the end of life. not once. not twice. but three times. i believe all of them would have been beautiful kids. but they were an inconvenience. two came right after my first confinement, within months of each other. SCRAPPED. one came after my second child, and when i am just moving up the corporate ladder. SCRAPPED. my husband knew of my decisions, but he didnt have a say in any of them. it is my body, after all. i do cry for them sometimes. now i am on pills and he uses the condom whenever we get a little frisky. i cant afford to carry with me anymore guilt.
I can understand how you feel raising 5 kids. It’s an arduos task indeed. My sister has 6 kids, which are very close in ages. Although she said she is well but I can feel her soul is draining. It seems that she is the only one raising them as her husband is always at work.
You need to replenish oneself and take care of your own well being before you can take care and give love to others. It takes incredible strength to care for others when you are not allowed time to recuperate!
I truly understand the abortion. It’s a dark spot in life that can never be altered. However, for sanity sake, it is a wise decision to make.
Take good care of yourself. May God bless you.
I think all the discussants have forgotten that she was drinking too … imagine allowing the pregnancy to continue, and giving birth to a baby with mental retardation and congenital anomalies! Check out “Fetal Alcohol Syndrome”.
Even on grounds of humane treatment of ones’ own children, what Martha did is being done by thousands of women every day of every week of every year all over the world, whether they are Catholics or Muslims or from any religion. As one of the commenters said, this is a complex issue with a lot of grey areas, and it is only the person who has to go through all this who can decide for himself/herself as to what it is.
I have one suggestion for Martha. Tell your husband what you did, if not today, then some day, so that this does not reach him through a third party.
I really like what LOL has to say. A very practical level headed man. As for all those who oppose Martha for her actions, how many women here have 6 or more kids? Kids are the best thing to happen in life but in a nuclear family try having 6 kids and then go preaching and delivering sermons. I think she was right in what she did, though a very difficult decision to take for a woman.
Thank you AJ, however, I’m not always so ‘level-headed’, I get it wrong big time too!
It’s easy to condemn other people for their actions, especially when it comes to something that involves the loss of a life. I don’t believe that anyone has an abortion without thinking it through and going through some serious self questioning.
But I get so upset when I see all the “antis” throwing stones. Then I think of Jesus’ message about “whosoever is without sin may cast the first stone”, and I feel ashamed at my own reactions when I’ve been angry at other’s ignorance. It cuts both ways.
Your last paragraph feels familiar. such firm and deep words…
it’s heart warming to even see some of your kind do exist …
To raise a child is hard, to raise five is already a monumental task. If Martha and her husband could financially, physically and emotionally affords to raise the sixth child with no problems, I’d say it’s not that right to do that…
However much I’m not a woman, I understand joys and the occasional torment that a child can bring… It’s psychologically traumatizing at times..
@ fluffs : raising a child without giving it the love it needs is better off not even brought into this world. some of you here might want to save your morals and bring a child into this world without thinking, and didn’t see far into the future… You just wanna look good like a saint for going “against all odds” for creating life. The world ain’t a fairytale kids, wake up.
She have a mind of her own, and some guys out there are really pigs who do not respect their wives… family violence and stuff u get it…
and they don’t listen.
Back @ Fluffs for more : some of the nice people here who said fluffy stuff like hell and whatnot.. wait till you’re in the same situation, you’d do irrational stuff… follow the sheep to slaughter…
try getting 5 kids and taking care of it by yourself… and use all the contraceptives available and pray your get another one … also try cutting your budget to spending less than a thousand bucks a month, saving up university tuition fees, clothing, leisure for your 6 kids … I’d say you’ll need at least 3million bucks just a rough guage… Oh to add on to that, also depend on your spouse to earn the living while you changing the diapers, listening to the children cry and bathing them all at the same time, leaving yourself approximately 10 minutes of free time, going to the toilet for a break…
either you’re filthy rich, or too fat to even see your toes from where you are, or just simply selfish, and self-centered.
Do you even have dependable friends, spouse or families ? or are you just alone, in your basement scorning the world ? are you at multiple forums simply flaming and watching everyone suffer ? maybe a junkie perhaps ? or a serial killer ?
Shame on me to actually enjoy reading flames of your lowly intellectual kind… It’s so funny thinking how stupid some people can be, and how fast people can jump into conclusions based on the irrational fluff going on in some of people’s lowly minds…
The world doesn’t revolve around you… you revolve around the world… open your eyes and see, try jumping off somewhere if you can’t
Oh … as a gratitude please feel free to flame me… I’d like to see how constructive you can be … Anyway I do know that it’s untraceable to be behind a screen laughing at someone’s plight … But don’t worry, if anything bad happens to you, rest assured, me and many many more fluffs will be laughing at you fluffs… take it as divine retribution …
Anti-fluff
I often imagine the ‘fluffs’ or ‘trolls’ are either teenage boys taking time off from looking at porn, or skinhead nazi moron types who can barely write their own names. Good post, but I doubt the moderators will allow a flame war, the point of this discussion is abortion and society’s attitude towards it. On the subject of liberty, free speech etc I respect and have learnt a lot from the writings and the lives of Mary Wollstonecraft and John Stuart Mill.