99 jokes children actually laugh at

For the youngest (1-20)

1. Why did the biscuit go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy. 2. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore. 3. Why did the banana go to hospital? It was not peeling well. 4. What has hands but cannot clap? A clock. 5. Why was the maths book sad? It had too many problems.

6. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. 7. Why did the cow go to space? To see the moooon. 8. What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner. 9. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing. 10. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese.

11. Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot. 12. What is an egg's favourite exercise? Egg-rolls. 13. Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh. 15. Why did the boy throw butter out of the window? To see a butterfly.

16. What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. 17. Why did the chapati go to the party? Because it was on a roll. 18. What did the mango say to the banana? Nothing — fruits cannot talk. 19. Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs. 20. What did the paper say to the pencil? You have a good point.

Animals (21-40)

21. What do you call an elephant that does not matter? An irrelephant. 22. Why do elephants never use computers? They are scared of the mouse. 23. What is a crocodile's favourite game? Snap. 24. Why did the lion lose at cards? He was playing with a cheetah. 25. What do you call a monkey that loves crisps? A chipmunk.

26. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. 27. What did the buffalo say to his son at the gate? Bison. 28. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns do not work. 29. What is a frog's favourite drink? Croak-a-cola. 30. Why did the sparrow go to the library? To look for bookworms.

31. What do you call a peacock that cannot dance? A pea. 32. What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent. 33. Why do pandas like old films? Because they are in black and white. 34. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato. 35. Why did the crab never share? Because it was shellfish.

36. What is a dog's favourite city? New Yorkie. 37. Why do birds fly south in winter? Because walking takes too long. 38. What do you call a mosquito on holiday? A vacation-suck. 39. Why did the goat go to school? To improve his baa-baa-lity. 40. How do rabbits travel? By hare-plane.

School and homework (41-60)

41. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it was not greater than or less than anyone. 42. Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake. 43. What is a teacher's favourite nation? Expla-nation. 44. Why is a history teacher never lonely? Because of all the dates.

45. What do you call a pencil with two rubbers? Pointless. 46. Why did the geometry class have no friends? Too many acute angles. 47. Why did the clock get detention? For tocking too much. 48. What did the calculator say to the student? You can count on me.

49. Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept. 50. What did zero say to eight? Nice belt. 51. Why did the boy sit on the dictionary? To get on top of his words. 52. What is the king of the classroom? The ruler.

53. Why did the science teacher take the door off? Because she wanted to see the atmosphere. 54. What do you call a student who does not want to go to class? A slow learner — or a fast runner. 55. Why did the exam paper go to the doctor? Too many problems again. 56. Why do school buses look so tired? Too many trips.

57. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school. 58. What is the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles — there is a mile between the first and last letter. 59. What did the whiteboard say to the marker? You draw me in. 60. Why did the physics book fall over? It lost its balance.

Food and home (61-80)

61. Why did the samosa go to school? To become a little more well-rounded. 62. What did the dal say to the rice? You complete me. 63. Why did the idli refuse to fight? Because it was too soft. 64. What is a ghost's favourite food? Boo-ndi.

65. Why did the roti run away? Because it was on the run. 66. What did the chutney say to the dosa? Let us stick together. 67. Why did the milk go to the gym? To become buff-alo milk. 68. What do you call an angry pea? Grum-pea.

69. Why did the potato cross the road? It saw a fork ahead. 70. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso. 71. Why do onions never win arguments? They always tear up. 72. What did the ice cream say to the cone? You are the coolest.

73. Why was the ladoo invited everywhere? Because it was so sweet. 74. Why did the chilli go to the doctor? It was feeling hot. 75. What did the fridge say to the door? Close me, I am freezing. 76. Why do books never get cold? Because they have jackets.

77. Why did the pillow go to work? To take a nap on the job. 78. What did the ceiling fan say in summer? I am your biggest fan. 79. Why did the broom get promoted? It swept the competition. 80. What did the mattress say on Monday? I am springing into action.

Knock knock and the older ones (81-99)

81. Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it is raining. 82. Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Do not cry, it is only a joke. 83. Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You are welcome.

84. Knock knock. Who's there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says moo. 85. Knock knock. Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you. 86. Knock knock. Who's there? Anee. Anee who? Anee one you like.

87. Knock knock. Who's there? Chai. Chai who? Chai-ld, open the door. 88. Knock knock. Who's there? Aloo. Aloo who? Aloo, how are you.

89. What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved. 90. Why did the scarecrow win a prize? He was outstanding in his field. 91. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. 92. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.

93. What has four wheels and flies? A rubbish truck. 94. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one. 95. What is heavy forwards but not backwards? A ton. 96. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.

97. What did the traffic light say? Do not look, I am changing. 98. Why did the phone need glasses? It lost all its contacts. 99. What did the WiFi say to the family at dinner? You are not connecting any more.

Frequently asked questions

Q: My child tells the same joke fifty times. Is that normal? — Entirely. Repetition is how young children master the structure of a joke, and the laugh they get is the reward. It passes.

Q: My four-year-old tells jokes with no punchline. — Also normal. Children understand that jokes have a shape long before they understand why one is funny. Laugh anyway; the sense arrives around six or seven.

Q: How do I stop toilet humour taking over? — Give it a place rather than banning it: allowed in the bedroom with siblings, not at the table or in front of guests. Banning outright makes it the funniest thing in the world.

Q: Are jokes actually good for children? — Yes — understanding a pun requires holding two meanings of a word at once, which is real language work. Children who joke a lot tend to have strong vocabulary, and telling jokes to a group builds confidence in speaking.