Your child at 9: bigger world, first privacy, early puberty for some

What changes this year

Thinking becomes abstract enough for hypothetical questions, moral arguments and genuine debate. Interests deepen and children begin to identify with them — a swimmer, an artist, someone who is good at maths.

Bodies: some girls begin puberty — breast buds, a growth spurt, body odour — from around eight to nine. Boys usually start later. Both need to have heard about it before it happens.

Privacy arrives: wanting the bathroom door closed, a diary, time alone, and conversations with friends that are not for you. This should be respected, within safety limits.

Friendships become intense and social hierarchies appear, particularly among girls. Exclusion is the main currency, and it hurts.

Puberty and body talk

Tell girls about periods well before they can happen — by eight or nine, in plain terms, with a pouch of two pads and spare underwear in the school bag from around a year before you expect it.

Tell boys too, and tell boys about wet dreams and erections before they occur. Unexplained, they cause shame; explained, they are a non-event.

Body odour, acne and a growth spurt all arrive quietly. Handle deodorant and hygiene privately and kindly, never as a family joke.

Keep the tone matter-of-fact, and repeat in small doses rather than delivering one big talk. Our puberty guides for girls and boys have the sequence and the ages.

Screens, school and health

Online life becomes real now — games with chat, videos, and often a first request for social media, which most platforms do not permit under thirteen. Set the rules while you still can: devices out of the bedroom, no accounts without your knowledge, and the standing promise that telling you about a problem will not be met with punishment.

School workload rises. Teach planning — a weekly chart of tests and submissions, filled in by the child — rather than managing it for them.

Health: annual check, haemoglobin (particularly for girls once periods begin), vision and hearing, dental every six months, and the HPV vaccine, which is recommended for both girls and boys from around nine and is best given before adolescence. Ask your paediatrician.

Sleep: 9-12 hours, and it is usually the first thing sacrificed to homework and screens.

When to see a doctor

Same-day at any age: difficulty breathing, a fit, a child who is drowsy or confused, severe abdominal pain, a head injury with vomiting or drowsiness, a rash that does not fade when pressed, or dehydration. Call 108 for breathing difficulty.

At nine to ten specifically: puberty signs before age eight in girls or nine in boys; persistent stomach aches or headaches on school mornings; withdrawal from friends; a marked drop in school performance; disordered eating or preoccupation with weight; or any talk of self-harm.

And treat any talk of self-harm or not wanting to live as an emergency at any age: stay with the child, remove means of harm, and get help the same day. Tele-MANAS on 14416 is free and round the clock; Childline is 1098.

This article is general information, not medical advice, and is no substitute for personal medical advice. For any decision about your or your child's health, please consult your doctor.

Frequently asked questions