Your child at 3: questions, friendships and starting school

What changes this year

Language: short sentences become long ones, questions become constant, and a three-year-old should be understood by people outside the family most of the time. By four, they tell stories and describe what happened yesterday.

Movement: pedalling, jumping, climbing, balancing briefly on one foot, throwing and catching a large ball, and drawing a circle then a cross.

Social: real friendships appear, along with genuine sharing, turn-taking and rules in play. Imaginary friends are common and normal.

Emotional: tantrums reduce as words take over, though frustration is still large. Fears arrive — the dark, animals, monsters — as imagination develops.

School and the nap

Most Indian children start playschool between two and three and a half. Look for ratios, warmth, play and outdoor time rather than worksheets — a child drilled on letters at three does not read better later, and the evidence on that is clear.

Expect a settling period of one to three weeks with crying at the gate, tiredness, and a run of colds. All normal.

The afternoon nap often ends between three and five. Replace it with quiet time rather than nothing, and expect an earlier bedtime for a few months.

Food, health and behaviour

Food: family meals, structured snacks, milk capped, and a plate that includes iron and protein daily. Involving a three-year-old in cooking measurably improves their eating.

Health: growth check and haemoglobin, deworming twice yearly, and a dental visit. This is a good age for a first eye check even without symptoms, because a child with one weak eye does not know anything is unusual.

Behaviour: consequences can now be understood and used — logical, immediate and small. Praise the effort rather than the label, and keep the number of rules small enough that you can hold every one.

Body safety: this is the age to teach the correct names for body parts, the swimsuit rule, and that secrets from parents are not allowed. Our body-safety guide has the words to use.

When to see a doctor

Same-day at any age: fast or laboured breathing, the chest sucking in, blue lips; a fit; a child who is floppy, drowsy or hard to wake; dehydration or no urine for eight hours; a rash that does not fade when pressed; repeated forceful or green vomiting; blood in stool or vomit; severe abdominal pain; or a head injury with vomiting, drowsiness or confusion. Call 108 for breathing difficulty.

At three to four specifically: speech that strangers cannot understand, not speaking in short sentences, no interest in other children, no pretend play, not running or climbing stairs, frequent falls, walking only on toes, or the loss of any skill.

And at any age, the loss of a skill a child already had needs assessment rather than a wait.

This article is general information, not medical advice, and is no substitute for personal medical advice. For any decision about your or your child's health, please consult your doctor.

Frequently asked questions

Q: He asks 'why' fifty times a day. — That is cognitive development, not defiance. Answer the ones you can, say 'I don't know, let's find out' for the rest, and hand some back: 'what do you think?'

Q: She has an imaginary friend. — Normal and associated with good imagination and language. Play along without making it a family joke.

Q: Is he ready for formal writing? — Not at three. Small hands are not ready, and drawing, building, cutting and playing build the very skills writing needs later.

Q: The nap is disappearing and evenings are terrible. — Replace it with quiet time and move bedtime earlier by thirty minutes for a few months. It settles.